1.29.2010

What's my focus?

Today I was walking to the grocery store and saw a young couple smoking cigarettes and sharing a table outside of a frozen yogurt place. Something about them stirred memories about T and I in the "early" days. It started me thinking about how things "used to be" and almost immediately I saw this young mother pulling out in BMW with 2 kids in tow. My inner dialogue said "this is you now" (minus the kids), what happened to those people you where? When did the focus change? What was the focus?

Strange that my thoughts turned this way, because I was walking to the store to pick up some stuff to accompany the Southwestern Pulled Pork I had been cooking all day. T was working late and I was going to bring him dinner. When we first started dating I brought him dinner every Wednesday for a semester. We were crazy busy with school and work and crew (for me) that Wednesday night was the only time we got to hang out. I think these Wednesday nights helped me to learn how to cook.... So here I am bringing T dinner at work just like I did eleven years ago. He was very grateful and we started talking about "back in the day". He said he didn't appreciate it enough when I brought him dinner back then.... We seemed so young. It seemed so long ago.

I told him about the smoking couple and how they reminded me of us. How I thought we should start smoking so we could go hang out at coffee shops and grab something we didn't know we let go of. He talked about simplifying life and work. We talked about how we took that trip to Yellowstone, so we couldn't be part of "the rat race" yet. Right?

Back at home I kept thinking about the difference between then and now and trying to put my finger on things that changed. I decided I had lost my focus. When we first started dating we were focusing on transferring to a 4 year university, then graduating, then finding a job, then finding a better job, then finding THE job, then buying a house. If we were like everyone else we might have thought about having kids. We are not like everyone else.

What I need now is a focus. I will find it. Now that I know what was missing. Focus.

3 comments:

  1. Clearly I'm in the mom with 2 kids in the BMW-stage. :) What is it that you miss about what you were like "then"? I wonder if you're being too hard on yourself - I personally think that you do a great job balancing all the things you have going on. I am always impressed by the way you have prioritized the things in your life.

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  2. Thanks Caroline! I guess I was just thinking about how I used to be focused on T and our relationship but lately we seemed like ships passing in the night. I also need to come up with some goals for the year to keep it interesting. I like being able to look at last year and say "I ran 1000 miles"! This year I am still trying to find my goals. I give myself until the Chinese New Year to set them!

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  3. This is so cute. Just noticing the difference in your relationship is great, since so many people don't even notice how things have changed. I'm sure you'll come up with great goals. I try to set much smaller ones, such as finishing a 20-minute workout video, as I have trouble with the big challenges!

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